I was chatting with a friend today and shocked myself by saying, "It's like my legs are amputated and I look down to see my legs missing , yet not feeling the pain". 

He said, "Strong words".

So, everyday of mine, begins with "Are you happy,Viji?" and "Don't forget you have turned 40 and more than half way through your life time."

Am I happy? Yes, I have a neat family, caring friends, adequate job... "What more?" asked myself.  Hurriedly, I tried to supress the answers that came out.... "You have few dreams, ambitions waiting to be lived and few medical conditions, waiting to be cured"... "Hmmm, soon... very soon", I said to myself and hurried collecting my laptop bag, handbag and lunch bag to office.

My mind talks out too loud and I quiten it by playing music too loud.  And, I don't fear being deaf,  I don't fear having high sugar, I don't fear having palpitations.  Does that make me brave?

I am dangerously close to being termed as a bore, if I continue my laments any more... This blatant fear of boring others, is going to make me stay away from my friends.

I heard my friend screaming through his message, "Woman! you know Lance Armstrong?"

 "Who that cycling guy who suffered from cancer?" I replied.

"Yes! you should read his autobiography", he said and added, "these are people whom you look upto in your darkest times and just when you want to give up, they pull you back in"...

I quoted, Steve Jobs and Yuvaraj Singh names for my part and we cheered their spirit by toasting emots of beer mug and wine glass... When I said my byes to this friend, I was wondering if I should land up with cancer too, to gain the spirit of living.

The bus stopped and I gathered my laptop bag, hand bag and lunch bag and slowly balancing myself in the moving bus, prepared to get down the bus.  Every inch, I moved my knees screamed and reminded me, ""Don't forget you have turned 40 and more than half way through your life time..." and "Are you happy, Viji?".