Imagined for a moment
a life with out you
Don't have a clue
what I would do.
With out you, I don't exist
wherever I turn, things remind me of you.
You are the answer to all my prayers
Be with me Dios mio time eternal.
My love would never waver a bit
till the day I cease to exist
I would fight, cry or throw a tantrum
just remember I'm ensnared
in the clutches of this doldrums
Twenty hours a day I work
sleep eludes me, when I set to rest.
want to hear a soft word from you
when that doesn't come, it throws me out of gear.
I hate to stay angry with you.
Just this once give that lazy smile
Just this once give me a tight hug
Just this once ask me how I am?
I can see the maturity in your poetry Vijji. Yes I can! I mean, I can imagine you writing this a few months back in a more loose style. So, I refer to it as maturity.
ReplyDeleteThis is very well written! The feel is there, and it is just right. It is not too much to be a pop song nor that vague to be a heavy metal song.
My only concern is in Line 6. Specifically, "things remind you". Shouldn't it be, things remind me of you. No offence.
Great work! Keep them coming, now!
AJ happy that you liked this. this poem was not written now... i wrote it almost 2 months back and i forgot to publish it, so I copied it from there and published it now.
ReplyDeleteyes it should be "things remind me of you", thank you for pointing it out. corrected it.
This is not one of the collection I promised to write. I am still working on it, I doubt whether I will have the guts to even publish it...
from the heart this is....
ReplyDeleteViji,Brosreview gave all the comments, though there is nothing new from my side,i like to add one thing...i can get the real feel
ReplyDeletethanks shadow, Sundar :)
ReplyDeleteNo words to tell viji.
ReplyDeleteEach and every line is filled with a feel.
thanks asha :)
ReplyDeletea desperate lover who couldnt leave his lady love... vice versa :) neat and beautiful
ReplyDeleteThanks chriz :)
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI'm really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it's rare to see a nice blog like this one these days. facebook log in