Very disconnected, this one. It is short-phrases put together like some salad.

I am still reading this one.

Oh! is that so? hmmm. may be the first stanza...

I can never hate anyone the way it came out in this poetry. Hence it might look little forced :)

Thank you AJ and I'm sort of addicted to your comments. More than that I have started to expect you to read mine first and comment.

Hmm, read this several times. Firstly, this is very much unlike you. But, I appreciate experimentation.

And, this is song-like. Nice!

Well, having written all this, I reckon you could express it slightly better than it is. I mean, you could still keep that uncontrollable anger implied by the short-phrased, disconnected style.

There are some obvious errors such as -

"where killing not considered askew"

where killing is not considered askew

"Come come am waiting for you"

Come come I'm waiting for you

I think a few minor touch-ups without disrupting the mood of this song shall make it just fine.

Sorry, you know me, I call a spade, a spade. Nevertheless, no offence meant.

no need to say sorry AJ... I am matured enough to handle criticisms. I truly appreciate you spending your time here.

Will work on this again may be tonight :)

Hey Viji di,

I liked this.

I'll second what Ajey said. I too used to like this. Disconnected words, though I still make this mistake sometimes.

The theme is real good. Can connect to it very well.

Yes, a different one from your gem-pen.

Thank You for sharing.

-Rahul

purinjuchu aaanaaa puriyalai :(


your boss ran away?

or are you planning to kill someone?

is there any code word hidden here for some third world countries?

i am decoding

chriz

I'm a little confused...

The violence just scared this little kid :D

Rahul :) You and AJ are always special. And I love it when you call me DI, think it's a short form for Didi right???

Thank you Rahul for the comment...yes as I promised will work on this, i have already started to do:)

@chriz he he keep guessing...

After a particularly long day and as you are already aware, I am working on both IST and PST timezones. I felt like throttling someone.
It just came and I typed...didn't stop to analyze it...

My boss is very much there :(
Nope.. I can't even hurt a fly
hidden code and u're decoding... good do that and let me know...

Thanks for droppin in buddy

dear kido... will promise not to frighten you next time :)

as for being confused..i don't have an answer for this one..however i try hard to supply a reply...

mam,...sry,really am not getting the inner soul of this poem,...one thing i can guess is that,Ani's "long Tail" might be bothering you more...!!! :)

Got it! :)

hi Sundar... "long tail" i can never up with such an apt word to describe him...
as for the poem don't even search for an inner soul...not all my poems are autobiographical..